JoizDotOrg

Ah another year has gone, and finally I have a post. A long over-due one. I noticed my blog is rotting and infested with flies but what the hey, I was too preoccupied with my loneliness and wallowing, and when I’m in a good mood, I was busy taking advantage of the alone-time and catching up on the tv-series and movies (in DVD) I haven’t watched. And of course my laziness kicks in that I couldn’t bring myself to write something.

Anyhow, I am back and let’s see… I didn’t want to enumerate the best points of this blog for the year 2007, nor do I want to make a summary of posts for the whole year. I thought I’d thank the online people who made 2007 special and memorable but the list is uber long and I’d most likely forget several people. It’ll be like in the Academy night and I’m saying my message after receiving the award, only I don’t know what I’ve won and I’m probably holding a Barrel Man instead of Oscar. But I still want to say thank you to all of you guys, who constantly visit my blog to see what madness and mayhem I’ve been up to. Thank you for those who have crossed my path last year and has made a mark in my life. Whether it was a hickey or a whip slash, I don’t care! I am grateful for newly found friends and if I ever gained enemies last year, sana kunin na kayo para wala na akong kaaway, nyahaha… Seriously, thank you to each and everyone for making 2007 colorful.

The hardest job in this world is to be a full-pledged mother. I feel guilty that I can’t greet my mother properly offline. I love my mom really but I shy away from her sometimes, maybe because ever since I became a mother myself, I got nagged and nagged and nagged and I feel like I’ve embarrassed her a lot. Like she’s no longer proud of me. Her side comments always seems to point at me and it hurts. I’m the most emotional person in the family and to avoid getting hurt, I distance myself from everyone. I feel bad that this is how I feel but I’d be a hypocrite if I pretended I didn’t feel this way. But if somehow she gets to read what’s inside my heart, I hope she sees this:

Ma,

I’m not a perfect daughter, nor a perfect person. Although we seem to make it a habit to argue with each other, although you seem to misunderstand me most of the time, although you think I don’t give a damn, and all though I don’t say it that much, I love you. Thank you for bringing me into life and thank you for being a part of it everyday.

Today will be my best buddy’s, Matthew, wedding day with Camille. *sigh* I know I’m feeling a mix of emotions and I really don’t know if I’m more on happy or more on the sad… Although I could say, yes! I’m envious! :cries: hehe

We have been friends for what… more than 6 years? And I’ve seen him brave out a lot of trials specially the case with his ex-girlfriend and mother to his eldest daughter. I wonder where that girl went to?

I don’t want to recall how we met, oh gawd! can someone please give a memory eraser? That ugly memory of him drunk and smelly in the shower just won’t go away no matter how much I try to forget.

I also won’t forget when Sammy came into the world. We were on a gig, and she wasn’t due yet so everything was out of place, we couldn’t get out of the gig and when his ex’s mother phoned in that it was a girl, he cried when he was singing “With Arms Wide Open” which was a hit during that time. Later he named her after me, Sammy’s real name is Samantha Joyce (and gratefully, sam’s mother didn’t kill me for it).

The time we spent together in the office was short lived, but let me tell you guys that the memories will live on. I will miss the kulitan and asaran, the work station pangangapit bahay, the off topic meetings, pantry outbursts, cr kwentuhan, coffee break deprivation, the pizza nights and videoke impulses. I’ll miss all the kaka about the pussydollscats, the alindog ng midshift, the katawan na pinagtibay ng init at lamig, the sagisag ng ozfree aka rakista spongebob addict, the weed, the omg birthday ng friend ko, teenie weenie, mother dyosa, mother of all mothers, amang ng midshift, baby developer, kingkongz, bok, the tatang and all that… gosh I’ll even miss the talk about btw, doding daga and tiger balm!

Thank you for the wonderful friendship and I hope that we would still see each other. Oi, we still have that road trip to plan and the beach thing. dapat matuloy yun, for sanity’s sake!!

Don’t forget the kapatirang pasaway, itaguyod ang ating bandila!

Keep in touch my brethrens (nyak) kahit san man tayo mapunta, you know my numbers, you know my email even my website… you will all be missed!

i labs yu all (huhuhu tama na drama hehe)

I have found a really neat anecdote that I shall try to live by…

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open,
with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really are strong, And you really do have worth.

I’m not going to talk about family matters, I’ve had enough of that drama in the previous entries. I love my daughter and that is all that is matters to me now.

To my friends online who I haven’t talked to in a long time, I apologize for disappearing, I love you all, you’ve all taught me to smile even in my weakest hour.