JoizDotOrg

I have been trying to hold on for the last 10 hours.

I never asked for anything this Christmas save for me to find peace of mind. Why did it have to happen now? Is this my Christmas gift? Did I deserve this? Did I fucking deserve all this shit? What did I ever do to you to put me so far up and then drop me like a bomb? Why didn’t you just let them just shoot me in the head before trying to violate me, at least I won’t be screaming and fighting. At least I won’t have the memory of their fuck ugly faces etched in my brain before they got caught.

And you, the last thing I needed was to be shot down by you. I know you’re already miserable but I never wanted us to be miserable. I needed you. I was calling for you but you’re not there. And I can’t blame you for not wanting me now. I don’t know if I could ever look at myself in the mirror. But why bury me deeper in the shit I have been trying to get out of?

So here I am again with a stream of unrelated and irrelevant thoughts that does not have to be posted but since I haven’t updated in a while, meh.

• I have a sore throat and last time I posted a random post like this I also had an issue with my throat. It must be the throat thinking when I do this… wuh?
• Oooooh I’m home from birthday gift vacation. Guess where I went? ^______^ heeheehee and no D.A. I did not book under the name “joyce jimenez”, ok ka lang?
• The last night I was here in Manila last week, I was drinking with my drinking bud, jims, several buddies and some gorgeous and friendly ladies. Whew, I was smashed (ok not really but yey to red horse!) you can find the photos on my multiply but I’m warning you, a lot of weird stuff and inside jokes going on there.
• Photos from that drinking session that I also posted on my frenstar (and on twitter and zorpia and everywhere else) seem to have instigated a reincarnation of the exes. You wanna hear a mean story? It’s here and here. Ayan G, blind item ka na naman.

November is like the f*ck of the year and when I say f*ck I mean it is so frikkin awesome… ok not so much but this month has got to be the most unforgettable for the year 2007 for me. It is just spilling with too many events. Let’s do a recap, why don’t we?

1. I got my biggest Adsense earnings so far. Whoopie! 4-digit in dillar currency whydoncha, not bad for someone who’s lazy with ads, whoopie whoopie!
2. The yearbook for our batch finally came out! Was able to catch up with batchmates. Still missing elbi though.
3. Started upgrading my pc again. Bought new phone. Bought new dresses (why is it I suddenly liked buying dresses?). Bought a bunch of toys (cooking utensil toys and stuffed animals) for the little miss.
4. Got the greatest vacation gift I could ever wish for but it’s still fudging pending since there are typhoons and stuff. I should go to Hong Kong instead. I’ll probably go to HK indeed. Still don’t know who to take with me.
5. There’s Lando, Mina, Lando again…
6. Google has been bitchslapping blogs with PPP. I’m not using PPP but I’m like why Google gods? I was thinking of joining but now I’m not so sure

People born on the month of November are the sexiest (the sleeziest too? heehee joke!) in the face of the planet. No, do not argue with my alcohol-influenced generalizations here, shut up. Lemme just greet all the sexy men and women who celebrated and will be celebrating their birthdays this month. Happy birthday to you guys!

On a serious note, I know I have been depressed and have been in a weird mood for the past several days (or is that several months? or maybe even years?) up to till two hours before my birthday last Wednesday night. It was then when a glimmer of hope emailed itself to me.

Emailed? Hi-tech na ang emotions ngayon? Oh yes, di nyo ba alam yun? Oh but I digress. My point is, it was my birthday last Thursday, when I thought things would look very bleak, it wasn’t really really such a disappointing day. And I should be updating my profile everywhere that still says I’m 22.

I have a month left to decide what I really want for my birthday. For the past months (yah I’m an eager beaver STFU), I have been thinking of holding a party. Ya know, invite all my buddies (at lahat ng halang sa alak na kakilala ko), private pool party (since I’m *that* deprived from swimming), lots of alcohol and munchies, reggae music (para feeling nasa beach) and for the fun of it, hire a henna tattoo artist (para talagang feel na nasa beach), hire macho and sexy dancers for entertainment? hahaha and maybe even book CliqueBooth for a night (imagining I have the money to splurge).