This is the edited, cleaned, clipped, all-the-drama-in-the-world-removed version of this post. It was just too personal to keep the thoughts published. Maybe next time when my brain gets fried up again or something.
The video below leaves an ache here in the heart, especially tonight, more than ever. So yeah, I’m basically drowning myself in emoshit 2 days before my birthday.
But really, you’ll love this video. The song’s Korean but the message’s universal. *sigh* Also added a translation at the very bottom if you want to know the meaning of the song.
Dodeche ar suga obso namjadurui maum
wonhar ten onjego da juni ije tonande
ironjog choumirago nonun thugbyorhadanun
gu marur midosso negen hengbogiosso
marur haji guresso nega shirhojyoda go
nunchiga obnun nan nur bochegiman hesso
norur yoghamyonsodo manhi guriurgoya
sarangi jonbuin nanun yojainika
modungor swibge da jumyon gumbang shirhjungnenunge
namjara durosso thollin mar gathjin anha
dashinun sogji anhuri maum mogo bojiman
todashi sarange munojinunge yoja ya
marur haji guresso nega shirhojyodago
nunchiga obnun nan nur boche giman hesso
norur yoghamyonsodo manhi guriurgoya
sarangi jonbuin nanun yojainika
Nang magpaulan si lord ng kagandahan, nakakuha ako.
Nang namigay sya ng katalinuhan at kabaitan, nakahingi ako.
Nang magpaulan sya ng talento, namakyaw ako.
Eh nung nagpaulan sya ng matinong love life, pucha nakatulog ako!
A number of my friends have noticed a physical change in me, they say “gumaganda ka” (you’re getting prettier), “you’re sexier than before” and to all I just laugh (mga bolera! haha). I haven’t changed at all. I’m still the fat fugly bitch who left the corporate world a year ago. But they still insist I changed and they’ve been asking me what’s my secret. “Are you in love?”
I can’t believe what i just heard
Could it be true?
Are you the girl I thought I knew?
The one who promised me her love..
Where did it go?
Does anybody ever know?
How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never beat this much again, oh no
I just can’t let go
How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never love this much again, oh no
Tonight I’ll hold what could be right
Tomorrow I’ll pretend to let you go
And were you ever what you seemed
Or was I a fool who fell in love with her own dream
And now you say you want to leave
Start a new life today
Those words I thought you’d never say
How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never beat this much again, oh no
I just can’t let go
How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never love this much again, oh no
Tonight I’ll hold what could be right
Tomorrow I’ll pretend to
Finally put it all behind me
wake and find that I have found a new life
I find myself staring into nothingness wishing you were here
Looking for answers to questions in my mind, answers that I fear
Like where are you now? What you doing? And who’s holding you?
Is there someone new? Does she love you the way I do?And then in spite, I turn my head and wipe the tears away
for I don’t know why you do this, why can’t I make you stay
I’m lost, confused and I don’t know what I should do
I gave you my heart and I think you just left it somewhere too
Could it be that I’m foolish and stupid, could it be that I’m blind
Tell me if you let me look inside your heart, would it be me I would find?
Oh these silly questions, I know I shouldn’t ask anymore, I know it’s not right
for I should have known the answers when you didn’t showed up that night
You didn’t know how painful that was for me, I guess you won’t care
And I know I shouldn’t hope anymore, fate just has not been so fair
I admit I want to kiss you one last time, just to show you what I feel
But I guess now, I don’t have that right, it’s a reality I should deal
Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful.
But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.
~ Paulo Coelho
Minsan ba napagkamalan ka na o napag-isipan na bakla? O Tomboy? O worse, both and simultaneously?
Madalas akong mapagkamalang totomboy tomboy nung bata pa ako, pano naman kasi mga kababata ko puro lalaki, sa pamilya ko, ako lang babae (maliban sa aking ina), at napapansin nilang magaspang daw ako kumilos, feeling siga kasi nga mga siga rin kasama ko.
Nung high school, di ako marunong ‘manamit babae’ at magpaka kikay. Habang ang ilang mga kaklase ko, ang liliit ng blouse, at mga palda, matching padamihan ng ruffles and laces at kung ano ano pang borloloy, ako namang kuntento na sa tshirt, maong at rubber shoes. Hindi ko talaga nakita ang sarili ko na isang babaeng kaakit akit nung high school (insecure-ness ang drama ko).
Pero woiiiii may crush crushan ako noh. Si Christian (ayan nyemas inamin ko na ha). Grade 5 pa lang ako crush ko na sya dahil ang galing nya kumanta. Bagama’t magaspang umasta, may pusong babae rin pala. Ilang beses na akong napahamak dahil sa crush-crush na yan. Madami akong naging crush pero yung si Christian, siya ang ‘pers lab ku’ (ahuy kinilig ang mga bakokang dyan). May nangyari ba sa crush crushan ko? Wala! Di naman ako nag-boyfriend nung high school noh, behave ata to. At wala narin ako care kay Christian, malay ko ba kung buhay pa yan. Bwahahaha
