JoizDotOrg

When it rains, it doesn’t just pour, it floods.

I don’t know what the hell is wrong with my karma meter this week but everything is turning out very very wrong and very very bad.

I was in a depressing mood since Monday and I didn’t know why the heck I was feeling depressed until I received an email and a call from some folks in the US giving me terrible news.

First my friends, Omar and Duls (along with their kids), die in a car accident and even if it’s not obvious, it’s honestly very hard for me to take this when I’m helpless and can’t even be there for the wake because I don’t have a visa for the US.

And then my longtime planned Elbi visit (in hopes of relaxing for a night) was obviously canceled by an alarming incident that concerned my cousin last Thursday night (pinasok ung boarding house nila ng mga magnanakaw na may mga weapons habang nandun sila sa loob).

I’m not bitter about the canceled plans, it’s the thought of how my cousin is that bothers me.

From: D’s email
To: Joiz
Date: 10/9/2007

Joi,

I don’t think this will be in your local news and I really do not want to be the one to break it to you. D, O and the kids had a car accident on their way home from California. You were the last person Duls called before they left here. D and O died in the crash, S and C made it to the hospital but didn’t survive. (details have been removed)

I’m terribly sorry for not informing you as soon as possible. If you think you’d be able to visit us here, please tell me so we could fix a pickup for you at the airport.

Life will never be the same again.

I am sore beyond explanation and I really couldn’t go online but thanks to my friend’s patience to type this for me so early in the morning (patience too to allow me to order him around how to publish this), his notebook and to wifi, I have a chance to share to you my recent experience.

What really happened is that I didn’t have a stroke perse, I suffered from what my doctor called a TIA, it is very much like the stroke we know but unlike it, the symptoms go away hence I thought these were just due to fatigue. What scared me is the thought that these attacks could have signaled a real stroke. Let’s not go into details since I’m still to tired to add more.

At a young age I never thought I would experience such crap. I keep asking myself, I’ve gone through hell in the past, why does this have to happen to me again? I wanted to curse someone, something, even myself just to let this angst out.

He died. Last Thursday. I only knew last night.

I was hoping it was a joke. A big damn joke. Not a funny one but I was hoping it was just a trick to fool everyone. Sort of like how Vince McMahon faked his death in that car explosion. But something tells me this isn’t a joke. We’re not on TV wrestling in the first place.

I was shocked. I was disheartened. I cried.

I could not bring myself to ask anyone why. But I really want to know why.. Why? WHY?

A lot of people love you. She loves you, did you not see that? Did you not feel that?

Heck I don’t know what problems may have burdened you to think of this but you should not have killed yourself over it! Circumstances can be fixed, trials can be overcome without quitting in the middle of the fight. Your friends and family had always been there, what would have been the difference in this case? They would have been there if you only reached out.

Something happened, I can’t find my best friend’s testimonials in my friendster profile. He died 2 years ako, in an accident and those testimonials are a few of the things that I have left of him… I can’t find his profile nor his testimonials… When I’m sad, it’s one of the few things that keep me going. I have a backup copy from my mail but I feel it will never be the same… He has touched my life in so many ways and even now that he’s no longer here, he still does.

Posted 19/4/2004
Apologies to Billy Joel and the song…