As I’ve mentioned before, I am very much abnormal. And as being such, I have to maintain my insanity… Maybe I should try this list which I found in my mail.
- At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
- Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
- Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “In.”
- Put Decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
- In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write “For Smuggling Diamonds”
- Finish All Your sentences with “In Accordance With The Prophecy.”
- Dont use any punctuation.
- As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
- Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
- Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is “To Go.”
- Sing Along At The Opera.
- Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don’t Rhyme
I’m sharing some emails again….
These are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line… but the least romantic second line.
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don’t take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way
