I’m having a hard time feeling good about myself right now. Maybe because I am really not feeling well. Maybe because of my monthly hysteria. Or maybe because my friend (who I’m asking a big favor from, so I can’t reprimand what he’s doing) has been playing this emo kind of OPM songs from 6 Cycle Mind and Yeng Constantino over and over all afternoon… curses.
I feel so low. I smile yet I could feel the burning pain in my eyes, I could taste the pretense in my jaws. I keep trying to fix my life up and I find myself broken again.
I can’t believe what i just heard
Could it be true?
Are you the girl I thought I knew?
The one who promised me her love..
Where did it go?
Does anybody ever know?
How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never beat this much again, oh no
I just can’t let go
How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never love this much again, oh no
Tonight I’ll hold what could be right
Tomorrow I’ll pretend to let you go
And were you ever what you seemed
Or was I a fool who fell in love with her own dream
And now you say you want to leave
Start a new life today
Those words I thought you’d never say
How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never beat this much again, oh no
I just can’t let go
How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never love this much again, oh no
Tonight I’ll hold what could be right
Tomorrow I’ll pretend to
Finally put it all behind me
wake and find that I have found a new life
Natatakot ako, sobrang balisa at sobrang nagwawala ang utak ko na umatras na ako sa mangyayari bukas ng umaga. Takot ako sa kahit anong opera, mapa laser man ito o ano pa. Dahil narin siguro di ako sanay sa hospital (kahit suki na nila ako dati pa, di talaga ako natutuwa pag ako ang pasyente).
Kabado ako dahil maliit pa naman ang anak ko para maintindihan kung anong mangyayari (isang kiss at hug for mommy, solb na sana kaso gets kaya nya?) at ung isang taong gusto kong karamay habang mangyayari ito hindi ko macontact. Takot akong tawagan sya, dahil di ko rin alam ang sasabihin sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung anong magiging reaksyon nya. Hindi ko alam kung may pakialam sya. Punyemas. Kabado na nga ako, lalo pa akong kabadong i-approach sya. Teka para naman akong mamamatay nito. Wag nyo isipin yan parang awa nyo na, wag. May namatay na ba ng dahil sa laser surgery? Kung meron amf wag nyo narin sagautin ang tanong ko!
Duwag kasi ako pag dating sa mga medical na bagay. Kaya nga di ako nagdoctor o nagnurse o medical tech. Di kinakaya ng sikmura ko ang mga operasyon na napapanood ko lang sa rescue 911 nung dati, what more pa pag totohanan na. Umatras nga ako dati sa reconstructive surgery na gusto ipagawa ni mama sa isang parte ng katawan ko. Tipong andun na kami sa hospital, ako na susunod, sa tagal ng pag-iintay ko, ang dami ko na tuloy naisip biglang umatras ako. Sayang edi sana perpekto na ako ngayon (ano daw?!?!)
I wish that you were home
Holding me tight in your arms
And I wish, I could go back
To the day before we met and skip my regret
I wish I wasn’t in love with you
So you couldn’t hurt me..
Maybe I’m fast to conclude and that I still have you. Maybe I did lose you or maybe I didn’t lose you, because I never had you. Maybe it’s not you, maybe it’s more of me, wanting something I couldn’t have. Maybe I wish I was dead. Maybe I’m better off marrying my obnoxious computer too. Fuck. I hate myself today.
