I have been trying to hold on for the last 10 hours.
I never asked for anything this Christmas save for me to find peace of mind. Why did it have to happen now? Is this my Christmas gift? Did I deserve this? Did I fucking deserve all this shit? What did I ever do to you to put me so far up and then drop me like a bomb? Why didn’t you just let them just shoot me in the head before trying to violate me, at least I won’t be screaming and fighting. At least I won’t have the memory of their fuck ugly faces etched in my brain before they got caught.
And you, the last thing I needed was to be shot down by you. I know you’re already miserable but I never wanted us to be miserable. I needed you. I was calling for you but you’re not there. And I can’t blame you for not wanting me now. I don’t know if I could ever look at myself in the mirror. But why bury me deeper in the shit I have been trying to get out of?
Will nobody ever understand? I’m trying to be strong. I am strong, they say I am but why do I feel so weak?
I might leave soon, for how long? Indefinitely. Where? I don’t know yet. Just far far away from the people who hurt me. I’ve had enough.
