I am sore beyond explanation and I really couldn’t go online but thanks to my friend’s patience to type this for me so early in the morning (patience too to allow me to order him around how to publish this), his notebook and to wifi, I have a chance to share to you my recent experience.
What really happened is that I didn’t have a stroke perse, I suffered from what my doctor called a TIA, it is very much like the stroke we know but unlike it, the symptoms go away hence I thought these were just due to fatigue. What scared me is the thought that these attacks could have signaled a real stroke. Let’s not go into details since I’m still to tired to add more.
At a young age I never thought I would experience such crap. I keep asking myself, I’ve gone through hell in the past, why does this have to happen to me again? I wanted to curse someone, something, even myself just to let this angst out.
It honestly scared the hell out of me since I have never in my life faced a situation so traumatic like this one. Heaven knows where I’d end up. And while the surgeon was briefing me of what he would do during surgery, I was fighting back tears.
I know I wasn’t facing this alone but why do I feel so alone right now. At the back of my head past happy moments flashed before me one by one. I keep cursing my brain for doing this to me, I’m not going to die here dammit. Not right now. Not while I haven’t said goodbye to anyone.
As the anesthesiologist gave me the sleepy thingie, I was hoping someone would have held my hand while I was going through this. And yes, right then and there tears started to fall while I was mumbling things to myself, I think this pathetic moment went on until I passed out.
When I gained consciousness again a few hours later, my cousin, who was sitting next to the bed, was happily informing half-conscious me that I’m going to be alright. The lokaret started to take pictures of me and my swollen head which I would rather not post here. I will still be under observation but now, I am very much relieved. Although I am swollen like a pulp, I know I’m going to survive this. I am still scared of what other crap is waiting for me now but I will fight on.
I’ll try to learn more about this transient stroke when I’m much stronger. I guess this is enough for now.
I owe the courage more to my friends who are active online, to those I send text messages to who replied, to yeyeng who was sweet enough to call after my operation and to my blog neighbors since a few have been so kind to leave a message on my previous ngarag post. Thank you.
Hintayin namin ang pagbabalik mo dito.
ngayon lang ako nakabalik dito, pagaling ka po, kaya mo yan ~ 
