All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France
A part of me has been dying. It has been waiting for its death since god knows when, and yet I held on to it blindly, not wanting to let go, allowing it to eat away my own life.
To others, it might have been long dead, it might never even have existed. But I held it within my grasp because I thought I could fix it. That I could bring it back from what I hope was just its slumbering state. But I concede, with only one request.
Let me die along with it.
For as I watch the last embers of this illusion turn into dust, I know soon I will be reborn. And life will be beautiful once again.
Farewell love. Until we meet again.
P.S. Thank you for the wonderful two years of blogging. I have to (and is STILL in the process of doing so..) shed off some of my life’s baggages before I could write again.
I can not believe I allowed more than a month to pass without blogging. Part of it is because… Hmm… Do I really have to explain myself? Nah. Never mind. Everyone who knows me knows I’ve been avoiding confrontation. It has been a hard year for me. Seriously.
Anyhow, I can not believe it’s already May. Just got home from vacation/exile. I’ve met camels, dessert lizards, koalas and wallabies on the way. It’s amazing how much culture shock I had to go through and how I suddenly missed it as well.
Forgive me if it will come out offensive to some, but I do not like wearing an Abaya. I feel like I lose my individuality whenever I wear it. I feel suppressed and highly deprived of sunshine, ok not really. I just can’t seem to express myself with clothes. All the women looked alike to me. Like ghosts in black floating on the sidewalks (parang mga black lady kamo). But I know it’s like a puny shield from the stares of horny-horny-haven’t-seen-a-woman’s-flesh-since-childhood men. Believe me. It can be degrading sometimes how some men there would look at you. Like an object. Just something that can be possessed. Whatever.
And then there’s down under. For the short time I was there, only two words can sum up my experience: topless beach.
