JoizDotOrg

I have been trying to hold on for the last 10 hours.

I never asked for anything this Christmas save for me to find peace of mind. Why did it have to happen now? Is this my Christmas gift? Did I deserve this? Did I fucking deserve all this shit? What did I ever do to you to put me so far up and then drop me like a bomb? Why didn’t you just let them just shoot me in the head before trying to violate me, at least I won’t be screaming and fighting. At least I won’t have the memory of their fuck ugly faces etched in my brain before they got caught.

And you, the last thing I needed was to be shot down by you. I know you’re already miserable but I never wanted us to be miserable. I needed you. I was calling for you but you’re not there. And I can’t blame you for not wanting me now. I don’t know if I could ever look at myself in the mirror. But why bury me deeper in the shit I have been trying to get out of?

I was helping my mom get out the Christmas decors last Sunday for the Christmas tree. It’s the only thing left to be set up for the holidays in our home in Pque. Although can someone help me with this question, because this is mind boggling for me…

Are you feeling it yet? The Christmas spirit, I mean? I bet you do.

It’s only a week before Christmas day and I’m guessing you’re experienced/done:

1. going over your half-finished Christmas list and panicking that you haven’t even started wrapping yet
2. decorating your house, your room, your usual classroom seat, your office desk, your boyfriend’s room, your cellphone, mp3 player, your web site, your outfit, your whatever with Christmas decorations
3. sending out your Christmas snail mail greeting cards to relatives, e-cards and holiday pokes to online buddies, and what-have-yous
4. feeling warm and fuzzy whenever you play a Christmas carol on your ipod and a bit irritated and murderous with the undying jingles played in the mall
5. filling up your schedule with line ups of barkada get-together nights, family reunions, Christmas parties for work, for school, with orgmates, with the neighbors, with college friends, with high school friends, with elementary friends, with preschool friends, with your best friend’s wife and the lady elf from the mall

So here I am again with a stream of unrelated and irrelevant thoughts that does not have to be posted but since I haven’t updated in a while, meh.

• I have a sore throat and last time I posted a random post like this I also had an issue with my throat. It must be the throat thinking when I do this… wuh?
• Oooooh I’m home from birthday gift vacation. Guess where I went? ^______^ heeheehee and no D.A. I did not book under the name “joyce jimenez”, ok ka lang?
• The last night I was here in Manila last week, I was drinking with my drinking bud, jims, several buddies and some gorgeous and friendly ladies. Whew, I was smashed (ok not really but yey to red horse!) you can find the photos on my multiply but I’m warning you, a lot of weird stuff and inside jokes going on there.
• Photos from that drinking session that I also posted on my frenstar (and on twitter and zorpia and everywhere else) seem to have instigated a reincarnation of the exes. You wanna hear a mean story? It’s here and here. Ayan G, blind item ka na naman.

I keep on bumping into stuff that sure would make unconventional gifts. I know these have been around a long time ago but I like having them on record, never know when you need inspiration. Hey geek, bored of playing scrabble with usual tiles? Then use Leet speak and replace those old boring scrabble tiles with leet tiles!

I wish I had one of these I lik3 the idea.