JoizDotOrg

The band played this for me tonight. I try to keep inner pain to myself and go on with a smile but sometimes, it takes only one song to release an aching heart…

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

I love you
And I’ve loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

On my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance
‘Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything but I won’t give up
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

I love you
And I’ve loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

According to a test I took a few weeks ago (so ok it’s not really a test it’s just a game), I have 57% chances of going to hell and I will become famous - and subsequently killed by a stalker.
Honestly, I’ve had a history of stalkers. Twice during my early college and twice just after college. And here I go with a bit of the details…

One was a bitter ex who couldn’t take the fact I broke up with him. He stole two of my email accounts, a website (which then was closed since he never paid the hosting, dumbass). Then after a few months of blackmailing and following my tracks around, he finally gave up or killed himself (well I’d like to believe he did).

The other one was a guitarist in one of the bands we’ve competed with. Didn’t know he had a ‘thing’ (what the..) with me. He followed the band around for a couple of gigs. I kept bumping into him when I was hanging around the malls to buy some stuff. The guys got dubious of him soon after he kept tagging along the after-gig parties and the last straw was when we found him hiding behind a tree just outside our band’s apartment. Jason mistook him as some random peeping tom and beat him to almost a pulp.He survived the beating, admitted about following me around and after that, he stopped. We’re still good friends actually but no stalking.

I’m tired beyond relief. I hate my job (well not all of it, just the parts where I’m assigned to stuff my title doesn’t cover). I miss my baby sooo bad I’m actually rethinking about continuing my day job. The only problem is I worry that I might not make enough by working at home.

So people ask don’t you have a boyfriend? I do and as much as I want to keep things private about me and David, people still ask. We don’t live together, a few knows about that. He’s not a bad guy, I know he’s trying to be a good father and boyfriend but his attitude and his family’s attitude always seems to be the problem. He hasn’t told anyone other than his father and brother and I am actually starting to hate the fact that his dad and brother don’t seem to care about us. Don’t they even ask about me and Fiona? Don’t they care that David actually has his own family now? They never showed up to see the baby when I gave birth, and I have no plans of inviting them to Fiona’s baptism. My baby’s christening is happening next month and where are they? Don’t they plan to help out? I’ve tried to keep things secret from my parents but it makes my mom angry at me. My baby’s needs are growing and everything else seems to be dying.