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I can not believe I allowed more than a month to pass without blogging. Part of it is because… Hmm… Do I really have to explain myself? Nah. Never mind. Everyone who knows me knows I’ve been avoiding confrontation. It has been a hard year for me. Seriously.

Anyhow, I can not believe it’s already May. Just got home from vacation/exile. I’ve met camels, dessert lizards, koalas and wallabies on the way. It’s amazing how much culture shock I had to go through and how I suddenly missed it as well.

Forgive me if it will come out offensive to some, but I do not like wearing an Abaya. I feel like I lose my individuality whenever I wear it. I feel suppressed and highly deprived of sunshine, ok not really. I just can’t seem to express myself with clothes. All the women looked alike to me. Like ghosts in black floating on the sidewalks (parang mga black lady kamo). But I know it’s like a puny shield from the stares of horny-horny-haven’t-seen-a-woman’s-flesh-since-childhood men. Believe me. It can be degrading sometimes how some men there would look at you. Like an object. Just something that can be possessed. Whatever.

And then there’s down under. For the short time I was there, only two words can sum up my experience: topless beach.

The picture will tell you otherwise but I am actually still in frustration that I cannot finish any of the designs I have been working on since the start of the year. Moping around with a broken heart and bad ailment is not my thing. I have been trying everything to get my brain out of the designer’s block. I have gone and busied myself this year, meeting up with the guys and gals of TMB (The Man Blog), meeting new friends through Facebook and that Human Pets application, going crazy with the drinking buddies, finally seeing a big client, caught up with family reunions and bonding times, tried and enjoyed playing Airsoft, caught up with college friends, hanged out with my daughter, pushed to the limits, gone on vacation and heck I may have done it all, except the designs I should have finished by now! I hate having my imagination down in the dumps!

I checked the toilet, my brain’s not there! Have I been stressing myself too much lately? Did I kill my skill/talent/whatever you call it? Have I lost all inspirations? Graaaaaaaaah

Just when I think I’m getting my footing back…
When I think I can walk away…
He says something to pull me back in.
Into this world where he is the sunrise and the sunset.
A world he doesn’t know but he is the center of.
A world that I would forget, if I only knew how.

Oh yes, she’s here. She’s there, she’s everywhere! My daughter’s turned two!

Photos are on multiply and flickr, but it isn’t much. Terrible twos? She can throw a terrible tantrum, can be very naughty and my kid’s smart amidst being a bit late on the talking side (wala kasing kausap masyado). I hope I survive the next year of having little people at home now that my princess is two years old.

I don’t have much to say since I am so drained from running around the house and after the kids all day. Hosting children parties is chaotic to my sanity! I think I busted my brain, if it’s not yet busted. Haaay I’m happy and tired. I’ll catch up with things later this month, or whenever.

Note to self: press the damn publish button before you close the browser. Idiot.

In par with my list of wants, exactly a month ago, I had my tattoo.

It’s been a month since I had my tattoo. Something that so far my parents will still kill me for. They really are against getting tattoos and me being the bah bah black sheep, I got one last month.

Meh. I really wanted to get a tattoo long long time ago but I never saw myself actually getting one in this lifetime as you might not be aware, I am a bit scared of needles and getting pricked. But I got one, and the craving to get another and another has to be stopped before I cover myself with ink.

I was actually fighting an urge to get something tribal, I wanted a kanji of my name. But I forgot to bring my design and ended up getting what I have now. And why of all designs I had to choose a heart? A reminder to myself that I can be foolish at times, I can be strong and I can face my fears. That amidst the knowledge of the pain I would have to endure, I still went through it and got the tattoo because I wanted it.